Several People

Greeting Cards

With ebullience, I remember the last Christmas I spent at home. I was literally buried with Christmas cards from my (now ex-) classmates. There were large and small cards, scented and singing ones, rectangular cards and ones in the shape of a heart. What unified this multifaceted mix were the cards’ messages steeped in affection. Not that I did not expect these “small” gifts, but when I actually grasped them in my shaking hands, I was really touched, because I realized how much my classmates love me, and how much I love them. Then and there, with my eyes blurred with tears and my hollows overflowing with cards, I realized that after five years spent together with my class I felt as a member of a large, closely-knit family.

These ‘honeys’, as I like to call my classmates, gave me a lot throughout the years, and shaped me into the person I am. Roni, a ballet dancer, a chess player, a physicist and a pianist at the same time, showed me that a person could push his or her limits much beyond what is considered believable. From Yani, the analyst of human demeanor, I learned to love deeply. Lyubo, the future architect, served me as a good example of an inexorable pursuit of goals. Rosen, a 2005 IPhO silver medalist, proved me that there are no boundaries for the human mind. The curious Nadia taught me that the best way to think is to think beyond the frames and standards. Radi, the silent soul, sitting on the third desk, embodied consideration and concern for others. The class as a whole, with its competitiveness, was my incentive to strive harder, and with its supportiveness, helped me overcome any crisis, whether it was a love or academic one. With my classmates, I went through a lot of predicaments and happy moments, and in these common situations, we learned what is to suffer, to love, to celebrate, and to believe.

I take pride in this wonderful milieu and I thank God for my ‘honeys’. I treasure them deeply in my heart, and I carry in my character a piece of everyone.

A Moment When I Understood Something About The World Beyond Me

On What I Discovered About Playing Cards…And Other Things

I did not like playing cards for I believed that the outcome of the game was largely a result of the cards I was dealt. I did not want to depend on chance in the least. One day my friends asked me to play together with them and as expected, I politely refused. However, I assumed a strategic position from which I could watch the cards of the two opponents. Annie fervently mixed the cards and as far as I noticed, her mouth was opening and closing slightly as if pronouncing some incantations. I guess these worked very well for after Yo dealt the deck, Annie’s cards were fairly good. In contrast, Yo’s cards were so unbelievably awful that in her place I would have made every effort to restart the game. However, she made every effort to make the best use of what she already had. Еvery move she made was accompanied by careful deliberation. She took risks, but she played rationally rather than riskily. She sacrificed some cards, but these small losses were necessary for the ultimate success. In addition, she took best advantage of every tiny mistake Annie made. During the game, Annie’s facial expression changed several times: displaying satisfaction at first, it grew worried, and ended up rubicund and tearful. Yo had won though her initial chances of success were considerably smaller, compared to Annie’s.

This event was a turning point not only in my perception of card games but also in my perception of life as a whole. I realized that whatever fate has allocated to us, there would always be someone who has been given more. However, it is not quantity that matters. The way we handle with what we already have is important – that is whether we take it as it is or try to develop it and use it efficiently. Now I welcome every day of my life with determination for greatness for I know that fate has little to do with the things we achieve or fail to achieve. I depend solely on myself and just like everyone else, I have the power for greatness…Like Yo, I simply have to play the cards I have been dealt well.

A Time When I Was Alone

2 Years of Loneliness

My application process to colleges in the USA felt like a war, fought by a single soldier lacking proper armament and adequate training. It was a time when I had to grit my teeth and keep going confidently despite the fact that everyone else was going in the opposite direction.

Overall, going to study abroad in the USA is far from popular in the area where I live. Therefore, when I stood up and said, “I am going west!” I received the admiration and praise of everyone around me but I was also up for a lonely struggle towards my dream. I had to sweat over the college search process, the preparation for SAT’s and the application essays all by myself because no one else among my classmates and friends was applying to US colleges. It felt miserable to have no one to share the pressure with or to ask for advice. On many occasions, I wanted to give up and jump back into the mainstream where life was uneventful yet calm. How could possibly my hard work pay off if I was the only fool playing the game?

Now I know why almost no one applies to colleges in the USA. It is simply too much work because the entire system is against you. My school did not have advisors so I became an advisor of myself. Some of my professors gaped at me because I was the first ever to ask for recommendations, not to mention that they had to be English. When I asked for SAT books in bookstores, the booksellers stared at me blankly, and thought I did not know what I was talking about.

I was alone for about two years, misunderstood and without any help. However, sometimes it takes to make yourself a bit uncomfortable, even to make a fool of yourself to reach even higher.

A Person

Yoana

Yoana lives on the first floor of my apartment building back in Bulgaria. She and I have been friends for 14 years now, and together we have been through many inspiring, and depressing times. 

I remember us sheltering every homeless animal we found on the street, desperately trying to heal the injured ones. Most of the times we were not allowed to keep our newly found dogs, cats, pigeons or sparrows inside our apartments so we would approach my dad and try to voice all sorts of compelling reasons to get a permission to keep them in my dad’s garage. Our innocent faces helped a lot. I can also recall us playing naughty pranks on friends and neighbors. We would hang scary anonymous messages on the bushes at the back of our apartment building, and then leave our gullible peers find them and get very terrified. We were mean little girls!

Later on, as we entered the teen age, we experienced love for the first time, all the joy that escorts it and all the pain that comes after it. Those were times when we felt happy and miserable, confident and insecure but it was exactly during those times that we realized how supportive we are of each other. Still in her pajamas, Yoana would slip into her shoes and come upstairs so that we can resolve last night’s drama or discuss the evilness of boys. 

Now that I am away from her, I miss her a lot. I am yet to find someone in whose company I can feel so free, so comfortable and safe and so ready to share anything hidden deep inside me.

A Place

“Geo Milev” Mathematics School

I remember the first semester being an incessant struggle for me. I would condemn everything – the teaching style of the professors, the learning habits and the manners of the students. I would refuse to go to class. I would cry. It was all my parents’ fault, as I would say frequently. They made me leave all of my friends and the comfortable familiarity in the Language School in order to attend the supposedly more renowned Mathematical School.

The Mathematical School was far from perfect – in fact I would say it was just slightly better than most of the schools at home in the sense that it had professors, that were slightly more interested in what they do, students that were slightly above average and teaching style that was slightly less professor-oriented. In general, if you want to imagine what a Bulgarian school is like, just think of what an American one is not. No clubs, no sports facilities, no projects, no volunteering, no money, no real discussions in class…just the professor talking, quite often on topics that have nothing to do with the class he/she is teaching.

Nevertheless, amidst the raindrops that fell on my head even when I was inside the school building and the memorization and regurgitation that were the sole efforts I had to make to succeed in some of the classes, I managed to find something for myself in this new school. Coming from a Language School, I had mathematical skills that could be described as average at best. However, in the Mathematical School, the one subject in which one really needed to have a gift, to push, to be creative and perseverant was Mathematics. Over the years, through a lot of exercise, determination and struggle, I managed to rise from the bottom to the very top, and most importantly – no longer was mathematics just something that had to be done; rather it was pure joy, something that I viewed as an amalgamation of inspiration and reason. Had I stayed in the Language School, I doubt I would have discovered this passion.

My parents made a wise decision!